Boy-oh-boy, am I angry. I suppose being this angry is better than staring out the window like I'm freaking Emily Dickinson on Xanax, but not much.
Since we're all still trapped inside and my neighbors would probably be upset if I screamed into the void for the next 3 months, how's about a little fuck you list?
Hey, Daniel Cameron: fuck you, you fucking coward. I suppose I should have expected less from a Mitch McConnell protégé and a Cheeto Mussolini sycophant, but somewhere in my cold little heart I thought you might put on the pretense of giving a shit, but of course I was wrong. Breonna Taylor was murdered in her home by three wildly irresponsible "officers" and all you did was charge one of them for the bullets that missed her. While I appreciate the well-rehearsed frog in your throat, let's be real with each other: you never intended to charge a single one of those cops in her death. You've been preparing for this moment for 6 months, knowing full well that anything less than some rah-rah blue lives matter bullshit would be Republican suicide. I'm sure you'll be successful this way, but I want to tell you something about your long-jowled GOP friends, especially Donald Trump: they don't give a damn about you. Your Black mother or sister or brother or hell, even you, could be gunned down in the street and they would come to the defense of your killers. If they saw you in their neighborhood in anything less than khakis and a polo, they'd call the cops. If you exercised your right to open carry in KY, they'd shoot you on sight, and just like the cops that murdered Breonna Taylor, they'd leave you to bleed out instead of helping you. You exist to be their "Black friend" in times of trouble, but they'd leave you to die in a heartbeat if it meant another dollar in their pocket. I hope you know that.
Hey, Mitch McConnell: fuck you, you fucking hypocrite. You just couldn't wait until her body was even cold, could you? You had to open your lipless turtle mouth and lie right to our goddamn faces immediately, didn't you? Nothing's gotten your heart racing like this since the last time you tried to destroy democracy or walk up three stairs, and you just couldn't wait. You have no shame, so my vitriol probably won't work much. You've never hesitated to chose the most reprehensible, morally decrepit path and now is no exception. I don't have high hopes for you to lose your senate seat, but I do look forward to witnessing your slack-jawed disappointment as you watch your evil empire crumble before you. I can wait. You're getting old, and if they end up selling tickets to your plug-pulling livestream I'll be the first to sign up for that Eventbrite. In the meantime, may you never find a moment's peace and may every one of your favorite foods taste like Trump's morning McDonald's shit.
Speaking of shit... Hey, Donald Trump: fuck you, you fucking lunatic. Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ, what in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you? You've said so many crazy things in the last day/week/month that I don't even know where to start. You're not the king of America, you're an elected official who works for everyone who lives here, even the 66 million of us who didn't vote for your sorry ass. You petty, petulant child. You humiliate this country every single day. You, much like your blobfish friend Mitch, have no shame, but I assure you that the rest of us feel deep shame every time you open your dried up, crusty butthole of a mouth. I assure you, when you lose on November 3, and you WILL lose, it won't matter what you do. If it takes a month to confirm Biden as the winner, fine. If you have to be dragged out of the White House kicking and screaming, that's fine too. If you hire all the soulless lawyers your filthy money can buy, it still won't matter. You'll be a loser, just like you've always been, except this time, your corrupt, wannabe mafioso ass is going to prison, and that will be one of the best days this country has ever seen. So fuck you. Fuck you and everything you stand for. Fuck the white supremacists who support you. Fuck your cokehead sons and your Stepford wife daughter. Fuck your wax museum son-in-law and your hostage wife who recoils when you try to hold her hand. Fuck the bootlickers in congress you're blackmailing, and fuck the ones you've managed to actually convert to authoritarianism. Fuck all of them, but most of all, fuck you. Your time is coming.
I'm gonna make a hard turn here, because there's someone I need to thank.
Hey, Ruth Bader Ginsberg: thank you. Before I was born, you were already fighting for me. You made it possible for me to attend college at a state school. You made it possible for me to get a mortgage and my own bank account. You preserved my right to have control over my choice to have children. If I do make the choice to have children, you protected me from being fired for making that choice. You allowed me to serve on a jury, or for me to have other women on my jury if I'm charged with a crime. You helped me to have the option of marrying who I love, regardless of their gender. You fought for me to have equal pay. You even loved the art form to which I have devoted my life. You did these things for ALL of us, and more, and for that my gratitude is unending. Your strength, determination, and leadership have paved the way for countless women to be in the room where decisions are made. Until your last day, you fought for us, carrying our democracy on your shoulders. I don't know what happens when we die, but I hope wherever you are, you know that we are continuing to fight in your name. Thank you. Thank you for everything.
Keep fighting, friends.
