What’s up, quarantine fam!? I hope you’re all mentally and physically healthy. I’m all hopped today and I figured we could use a good, old-fashioned fuck you list. You know, like in the good old days!
1) Hey, Mitch McConnell and your army of sycophants: fuck you! Fuck you preferring that entire states declare bankruptcy over deigning to help anyone. Fuck your coddling of corporations while tens of thousands of people gasp for their last breath. Fuck you.
2) Hey, Mike Pence: fuck you! Yeah, I saw that your stupid ass walked up and down the halls of the Mayo Clinic, obstinately refusing to wear a mask, despite it being mandatory. You know there are sick people in hospitals right? Sick people who could die if you pass COVID on to them? It’s a damn shame that you care more about bowing down before your great orange leader than keeping others alive. Aren’t you thinking about Mother? Will no one think of Mother?!? Fuck you.
3) Hey, gullible-ass protestors: fuck you! Oh, I’m sorry, were you so unable to be in your home in Mudflap, Michigan or wherethefuckever that you had to go outside and shoot some guns about it? Jesus, get it together. I don’t know if you’ve watched the news lately (I know you don’t read), but there is a LITERAL PANDEMIC happening. You know what won’t make this end faster? You leaving your house in riot gear to stand in clumps and mouth breathe all over each other. Guns? Really!? Who are you going to shoot, the doctors who will eventually have to care for your COVID-riddled ass? Suck it up and get back inside, you brainwashed lunatics. Fuck you.
4) Hey, armchair infectious disease specialists: fuck you! Look, I’m really glad that you cherry-picked enough information to almost string a coherent sentence together (congratulations!), but shut the fuck up. You do not know better than the WHO. You don’t. You don’t. I promise you don’t. What kind of narcissistic sociopath thinks they know better that literally all the medical professionals in the world? Turns out is Trump and you. Stop trying to “educate” me on what you read in the Honky Tonk Wing Nut Times, you condescending moron. Shut up forever. Fuck you.
5) And finally... hey, “President” Donald J. Trump: fuck you. Fuck you the most. Fuck your incompetence. Fuck your narcissistic personality disorder and your rotten, syphilitic brain. Fuck your utter selfishness and complete lack of empathy. Fuck your lies and misinformation. Fuck your inaction. Fuck your refusal to help the states who won’t vote for you. Fuck your dismissal of the many, many, many people who tried to warn you this was coming. Fuck your disbelief in science and undermining of the health officials that could save us. Fuck your tanning bed and Clorox enema cures. Fuck you.
I feel marginally better. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go strangle my anxiety pillow.
Stay safe and sane. ♥️
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