For my friends in the performing arts

Hi, friends. I want to share something. I don't want to do this to talk over the black voices that need to be amplified right now, but I do want to share this as an example of what individuals and organizations can do to begin to repair relationships in our performing arts community.

CW: sexual assault, racism

Several years ago I experienced repeated assaults by a castmate, both in rehearsal and onstage during performances. At the height of #metoo, inspired by the stories of many of my brave friends and colleagues, I shared the full story of my experience anonymously with an opera blog.

In less than 48 hours, I received an email from the director of that production, who had failed to act when this was reported to him. The article hadn't mentioned names, but he recognized himself. He was contrite. He acknowledged my experience and that he was complicit for allowing this to happen. He let me know about the many concrete steps he has taken at his own company (intimacy coordinators, signed zero tolerance policies, etc) to prevent this from ever happening in one of his productions again. He apologized and acknowledged that I had every reason not to accept that apology.

That apology didn't change what happened and it didn't fix it, but it did help me move forward. I forgave him.

Friends in the arts, I'm sharing this to be an example of what we need to be doing. We need to listen to what our black colleagues and friends are telling us and to raise their voices high. We need to acknowledge their experience and our contributions to that experience. We need to offer an apology and we need to not expect people to accept it. Most of all, once we've learned, we need to make active, concrete changes.

Don't get defensive. Don't try to defend your behavior when you know it's wrong. Change. Look deep inside yourself and deep inside your organization and change. Change your heart. Change your mind. Change your behavior. Keep your eye turned inward and continue the work with vigilance.

This is the only acceptable reaction when you've wronged someone, and we have wronged black artists of all kinds. Don't put up a black square or extend Leontyne's broadcast and thing you're done. You're not. If you truly want art to survive, we all have to do our part to save it. It is going to be tough.

Do it anyway.

For the broken-hearted

It's not been our best week (or month, or year, or decade), friends. What can I say when the world is so ravaged by pain? So full of righteous anger? So devastated by sorrow and loss? No words are sufficient to heal the wound of generations of systemic racism. I can't say "fuck" enough times to even come close to the catharsis needed to comfort us right now.

But I'm going to fucking try. 

Let's get this out of the way first: black lives matter. If you don't agree, you should probably stop reading and also go fuck yourself. Black and brown people are being murdered and beaten and thrown in jail every single day. We have a broken, racist policing system that is more focused on protecting itself than it is on protecting our communities. There is no salvaging this; that ship has sailed, was hit by an iceberg, sank to the bottom of the sea and is currently occupied by pirate ghosts. Our only option is to dismantle what exists and to rebuild it. That's it. 

All over the country, people are gathering by the hundreds of thousands to stand against the murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Arbery. Of course, these are only the most recent examples of a problem that has existed since white men stepped on to this land 400 years ago. White supremacy is ingrained in our society as much as baseball or apple pie or a bald eagle drinking a Bud Lite in front of a hot dog. We need to stop pretending this is a "good cop" vs. "bad cop" problem. I don't care if he's saved an entire burning orphanage, if a police officer comes to the defense of police brutality and murder, he isn't a good cop. This is a society problem, and every single law enforcement official and every single white person in this country bears some responsibility for allowing this to happen. Call out your #alllivesmatter uncle and cut ties with the guy from high school who is talking about property damage instead of the fact that people are fucking dying.

And about that property damage... I realize that a Target, our great and holy master, burning to the ground is a trauma for most white people, but if you are mourning that more than you mourn the thousands of black lives that are taken every year, you need to get your priorities together. You know why people are rioting? Because it works. It worked when Marsha P. Johnson threw the first brick at Stonewall, it worked with the revolutionaries tossed the tea into Boston Harbor, and it's working right now. It also worked when a bunch of slack-jawed yokels stormed capital buildings armed with assault rifles because they wanted a haircut, only that time the police stood there because #white. Sit-ins didn't work. Kneeling didn't work. Marches didn't work. It's awful, it's sad, it's a tragedy, but it isn't as tragic as even one more lost life. It isn't as tragic as the NYPD driving into a crowd or a child getting pepper-sprayed. 

My fellow mayonnaise-Americans, this paragraph is for you. No matter how "woke" you are, you better be taking a look inside yourself and taking note how you (unintentionally or otherwise) contribute to white supremacy. Sure, you aren't the ones doing racist stuff, but that isn't enough. If you are not living your life in an anti-racist way, then you're not there. If you aren't actively fighting racism and hatred, if you're complacent in any way, then you are contributing. It's a hard truth, my friends. It's very hard. I'm dealing with it, too. But feeling defensive or getting trapped in a meaningless white guilt spiral isn't what we need to be doing right now. Make an appointment to discuss it with your therapist, and get to work. We need to use our privilege to protect black lives right now. Call your representatives. Give money. If you are healthy and able, protest. Post on social media. Check on your friends and tell them how loved and cherished they are. Listen to black voices. Cry together. Stand shoulder to shoulder with a stranger and demand justice and equality. Take the burden they have been carrying. Anything less only serves to empower those that would take black and brown lives.

I haven't been proud to be an American for a long time, but in my heart there is a little kernel of hope that change is possible. Maybe that's ridiculous, but against all odds, that little spark of hope remains. I hope I'm right.

Stay strong. 

Mayonnaise-Americans, we need to talk.

Dear White People,

We need to talk, guys. I feel like a lot of you aren’t participating in the Become Rational Humans project, and it’s really bringing the rest of us down. Some of us are ready to move on to Get Woke 102, but most of you haven’t even been able to pass Intro To Being Decent, let alone Don’t Point Guns At Things You’re Mad At.

I know that we all have our scholastic weaknesses (I really struggled with White Feminism: You Have Problems), but I feel like you aren’t even trying! You have to do the homework, guys.

I guess I’m extra mad because this particular homework is sooooo easy. Like, all you have to do is not go outside and spit on people while holding assault rifles. You are making it so much harder than the assignment. Just sit at home and order Dominos like the rest of us! Boom! Passed. You can even get a head start on Tiger King, which is the assigned reading for White Culture 401!

It’s really embarrassing. Like, SO embarrassing, you guys.

If you need a study buddy, you don’t have to wait for Thanksgiving for your kids to educate you: call them now and ask them how science works! They’ll be so happy, and I know you’ll have a great tutoring session. If you’re lucky, they may even help you with Is This Oppression Or Am I Entitled? It’s a great class, really eye-opening.

So can you get it together, guys? I know the whole school would really like to leave their house before December. Are we cool?

Cool. Text me if you need to have privilege explained; it can be a tricky concept.

- Rantsy, class of 2024

Fuck you - 4/28/20

What’s up, quarantine fam!? I hope you’re all mentally and physically healthy. I’m all hopped today and I figured we could use a good, old-fashioned fuck you list. You know, like in the good old days!

1) Hey, Mitch McConnell and your army of sycophants: fuck you! Fuck you preferring that entire states declare bankruptcy over deigning to help anyone. Fuck your coddling of corporations while tens of thousands of people gasp for their last breath. Fuck you.

2) Hey, Mike Pence: fuck you! Yeah, I saw that your stupid ass walked up and down the halls of the Mayo Clinic, obstinately refusing to wear a mask, despite it being mandatory. You know there are sick people in hospitals right? Sick people who could die if you pass COVID on to them? It’s a damn shame that you care more about bowing down before your great orange leader than keeping others alive. Aren’t you thinking about Mother? Will no one think of Mother?!? Fuck you.

3) Hey, gullible-ass protestors: fuck you! Oh, I’m sorry, were you so unable to be in your home in Mudflap, Michigan or wherethefuckever that you had to go outside and shoot some guns about it? Jesus, get it together. I don’t know if you’ve watched the news lately (I know you don’t read), but there is a LITERAL PANDEMIC happening. You know what won’t make this end faster? You leaving your house in riot gear to stand in clumps and mouth breathe all over each other. Guns? Really!? Who are you going to shoot, the doctors who will eventually have to care for your COVID-riddled ass? Suck it up and get back inside, you brainwashed lunatics. Fuck you.

4) Hey, armchair infectious disease specialists: fuck you! Look, I’m really glad that you cherry-picked enough information to almost string a coherent sentence together (congratulations!), but shut the fuck up. You do not know better than the WHO. You don’t. You don’t. I promise you don’t. What kind of narcissistic sociopath thinks they know better that literally all the medical professionals in the world? Turns out is Trump and you. Stop trying to “educate” me on what you read in the Honky Tonk Wing Nut Times, you condescending moron. Shut up forever. Fuck you.

5) And finally... hey, “President” Donald J. Trump: fuck you. Fuck you the most. Fuck your incompetence. Fuck your narcissistic personality disorder and your rotten, syphilitic brain. Fuck your utter selfishness and complete lack of empathy. Fuck your lies and misinformation. Fuck your inaction. Fuck your refusal to help the states who won’t vote for you. Fuck your dismissal of the many, many, many people who tried to warn you this was coming. Fuck your disbelief in science and undermining of the health officials that could save us. Fuck your tanning bed and Clorox enema cures. Fuck you.

I feel marginally better. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go strangle my anxiety pillow.

Stay safe and sane. ♥️

Friday Rant - 1/1/16

Happy 2016, bitches! 2015 was a pile of poop covered in pubes covered in the teeth that you find in a tumor. So suck a bag of dicks, 2015.

1) Pop Quiz! What happens when a female lawmaker defends public breast feeding?
              A) Her (Republican) male colleagues engage her in calm and rational discourse.
              B) Her (Republican) male colleagues behave like a bunch of misogynist imbeciles.
If you guessed  B, you're correct! Did you know that it's currently legal for both sexes to be topless in New Hampshire? Me neither! But ladies, if you want to swing your boobies around Concord, you'd better hurry up, because they're outlawing female toplessness. State Rep. Amanda Bouldin thought that there should be an exception for breastfeeding mothers, and let her colleagues know via Facebook, which is apparently how politics works now. And then they threatened to grab her nipples. They threatened. To grab. Her. Nipples. The sponsor of the bill, Rep. Josh Moore, had this to say: "If it's a woman's natural inclination to pull her nipple out in public and you support that, than [sic]  you should have no problem with a mans inclantion [sic] to stare at it and grab it. After all... It's ALL relative and natural, right?" Yeah, I kept his grammar and spelling errors in, because fuck this idiot. The best part of this story is that there actually IS an exception for breastfeeding mothers already written into the law. But instead of pointing out Bouldin's error, Moore decided to ignore all logic and go straight for assault. Another dude, a Rep named Al Baldasaro, weighed in, and I'll just copy his completely incoherent Facebook commentary so you can remind yourself that this person is an elected official:
 
DUDE. First of all, YOU DO NOT MAKE A PLURAL NOUN BY ADDING AN APOSTROPHE. Beaches. B-e-a-c-h-e-s. "Liberty-minded" is a compound adjective and requires a hyphen for clarity. Don't forget, "i before e except after c!" B-e-l-i-e-v-e is the correct spelling.
Also, her name is fucking Amanda, not Amandana, and if you're going to tell her how much you don't want to see her nipple, you should probably spell her name right.
With all due respect (none) to Representatives Baldasaro and Moore, fuck you. Though the bill you both support has an exception for nursing mothers, you still just can't help yourself! Breasts do not exist solely for your fapping pleasure. They're for feeding children and for catching crumbs. If you can't see a nipple without needing to reach out and grab it like a baby developing his fine motor skills, that's your problem. Grow up, show some basic human decency, and learn how to fucking spell.

2) We got some good news for Christmas this week. No, cookies still have calories (THAT'S A LADY JOKE! CHOCOLATE-CHOCOLATE-CHOCOLATE, ACK!), but Bill Cosby was finally charged with aggravated sexual assault, so let's all rejoice! Oh lord, I can't wait for this bearded fart to rot in a jail cell. Hopefully while wearing a brightly-colored sweater.

3) Hey, George Lucas. How you doin', buddy? I loved The Force Awakens, btw! Super cool. How great to see your characters again. I feel like you should be feeling pretty awesome right now, but I forgot that you are a bitter old weirdo who loves to ruin everything. Can you do me a quick favor and not compare a Hollywood deal to selling your children off to white slave traders? Because it isn't that. They're fictional space samurai people with daddy issues and you got 4 billion dollars in exchange for them. And let's be honest... you needed to be stopped. Remember Jar-Jar Binks? Remember fucking PODRACING? Remember adding late 90's CGI to your original masterpieces? Do you even remember that Han shot first? Do you remember that I can't even watch The Return of the Jedi without seeing goddamn Hayden Christensen's stupid face alongside Obi-Wan and Yoda? I have never, ever, ever sided with a corporation over an artist before, but I'm doing it now. It's like social services taking your crack-addicted kids away. It's not white slavers.... it's a charitable mission. Shut up and count your money and smile for the cameras and stop making me hate you, because Han Solo was my first love, and so that makes the two of us linked for life.

4) FYI, it's still fine to for a cop to kill a child holding a fake gun as long as that child is black. It's fine for that cop to start shooting within two seconds of arriving at the scene, and it's fine to use the pellet gun as justification, even though Ohio is an open carry state so Tamir Rice should have legally been able to carry a visible gun everywhere he went. It's totally cool. He probably would have grown up to be a Very Dangerous Black Man anyway. We all know that VDBM don't have families or feelings or read books or sing songs or dance or pray or laugh until their bellies hurt or weep with joy or sorrow or love. They don't become teachers or doctors or social workers or fathers or husbands. No, VDBM are very dangerous (hence the name), and exist only to populate our jails. So it's totally fine to kill this child. Who knows what he could have become?

Rest in Power, Tamir. I'm sorry we failed you.

Thursday Rant - 12/17/15

Happy Thursday to my friends in sass. Sorry about the lack of post last week, but I had shit to do and didn't read the news. But have no fear, I watched the entire Republican debate just for you. That is how much I love you.

1) How are there still so many goddamn people running for president? And how, with 13 damn people, are none of them remotely qualified in the slightest? If you heard screaming in the distance on Tuesday night, it's because I watched every second of this shitshow, and I wasn't even drinking. The JV debate was adorable. It was Huckabee, Graham, Santorum, and that other guy who I look at and think "is that John Kasich? No... I don't know who that is..." and I don't even give enough fucks to look up what his name is. Does it matter? He's polling at negative a zillion. You probably didn't watch this part. Hell, I don't know why I watched it, but the best part was Lindsey Graham throwing more shade than a drunk drag queen. Girl is so sassy! Just go ahead and google "Lindsey Graham debate GIFs." I'll wait. Did you see that eye-roll, though? Daaaamn. He's channeling Joan Rivers if she was an old white dude without a neck who loved to talk about how much he misses George W. Bush. Yes, that was an actual thing that happened. Methinks someone has a crush! Mike Huckabee loves Jesus but hates Syrian refugees, Santorum is the dude in your bio class who you had to do a group project with and he talked down to you the whole time even though he was clearly wrong, the other guy said something probably, and then it was over. Then the rest of these bitches came out to yell at each other for 3 hours. Honestly, I barely know what they are talking about at this point. It was like a poorly-supervised daycare in there. Jeb! maybe had meth for dinner, because he finally grew a uterus and was somehow the only one who really went after the frontrunner. The split-screen with him yelling at Trump and Trump making his trademark "BITCH, PLEASE" face is the second-best GIF of the evening. Go ahead and Google that shit. This whole debate was about ISIS and combating terrorism, but if I am being honest, I'm not totally sure what any of them plan to do. We all know Trump's racist-as-fuck plan to keep all Muslim's out of the US, and that Cruz wants to carpet bomb ISIS "until the desert glows" (even though they are headquartered in Raqqa, where there are thousands of innocent civilians, so this dude either doesn't understand what carpet bombing means or he is an asshole or both), but other than that I didn't really get anything out of it, and if you managed to, can you explain it to me? Because I feel like "kill ISIS" isn't really a plan. Mostly the whole thing gave me a fucking headache. Sorry, guys.

2) In a story that surprises exactly zero American women, the UN sent a delegation of human rights experts to the US to assess how we are doing, lady-wise. They went to Oregon (OK), Texas (uh oh), and Alabama (noooo), and the assessment was essentially: HOLY SHIT, IT SUCKS HERE. We're lacking in a large number of human rights standards, including maternity leave - "The lack of accommodation in the workplace to women's pregnancy, birth and post-natal needs is shocking. Unthinkable in any society, and certainly one of the richest societies in the world," a 23 percent wage gap, affordable childcare, the treatment of female migrants in detention centers, and let's not forget our attack on reproductive rights. The three female delegates went to a women's healthcare clinic in Alabama, where they were yelled at by a group of men for "killing babies," though the three of them are far past childbearing age. Perhaps Eleonora Zielinska, the delegate from Poland, said it best:"It's a kind of terrorism. To us, it was shocking." And hey, speaking of that, did you know that the Ohio attorney general decided to tell everyone this week that Planned Parenthood throws fetal tissue into landfills? Just for funsies he decided to make this shit up, even though there is zero proof, and of course that shit is not fucking happening, and even if it was, it would be an issue with the third party medical waste disposal teams and not Planned Parenthood, but who cares about that when you can just drop your pants and take a giant shit on a health organization for low income women because you're embarrassed that a video you watched once turned out to be fake. A federal judge blocked Ohio from defunding PP, so of course now there is a new bill in Ohio that would require women to pick whether they want their aborted fetus or miscarriage buried or cremated, because they just can't get enough of harassing and traumatizing women who just want to get some goddamned medical care. Oh, there are already laws like this in Indiana and Arkansas, because screw you, ladies! Can I go live with Elenora Zielinska in Poland?

3) But maybe living overseas isn't a women's rights cure-all, because I need to tell you about Ehsan Abdulaziz. Who, you ask? He's a 46 year old Saudi millionaire, but that really isn't important. What's important is that he was just acquitted of raping an 18 year old woman. But maybe there wasn't evidence, you say. Maybe there was reasonable doubt or maybe the sex was consensual! Well, his DNA was found inside her. He denies raping or even having consensual sex with her, so how did that nasty semen get inside her? Don't worry, there is an explanation! You see, he had just had consensual sex with her friend, and when he went out to the living room, he fell down and may have accidentally penetrated her with his still-erect, apparently semen covered penis. A jury of his peers in Britain listened to this asshole and said "Yeah, that is probably true. He's probably innocent." What the shit, Britain?!?! It is literally a scene from Austin Powers (Oh, I fell over! Oh, I fell over again!) used as a rape defense, and these people believed it after deliberating for only 30 minutes. Which brings me to me telling people to go fuck themselves. Ahem. Hey! Ehsan Abdulaziz, go fuck yourself. I don't know how you did it (money?), but you did. Fuck you, you clearly guilty piece of garbage. You can't trip and fall your penis into someone's vagina, you disgusting fuck. Oh, and hey! Go fuck yourself, British jury! I don't know how you fell for this shit (money?), but you did. So you're either the crookedest bunch of assholes this side of Chris Christie or you're dumber than a bag of Donald Trump's used toupees. Either way, go fuck yourself.

4) And now for some good news. Remember Martin Shkreli? He's the dude that wanted to charge AIDS patients $750 a pill for their life-saving medication. Well that rat-faced little shit was just arrested on fraud charges. Score one for the good guys! While the fraud doesn't have anything to do with pharmaceuticals (he illegally used stock to pay off unrelated business debts, among other shitty things), I still rejoice in his downfall and hope against hope that he will spend a good amount of time in prison. So peace out, motherfucker. Enjoy everything that's coming to you.

Until next week, my little chickadees..

Thursday Rant - 12/3/15

How was your week, kids? Yeah, mine too. Happy Holidays from the NRA.

So I guess this is just normal now? It is difficult to even get angry anymore. It's easier to numb yourself, to feel an almost comfortable feeling of bland despair and helplessness at another madman with a gun, but I'm urging you to keep that inner fire alive, guys. Because anger keeps you productive, and what we need is action. I don't need to hear any proclamations of sympathy or prayers, though these things are both important for healing. I need our government to get off its ass and DO something, and I need you guys to shout loudly enough to make them. 

There is a lot of money keeping our lawmakers inactive. Weaponry is big business, and the gun manufacturers and the NRA are very powerful. Rich enough to keep lawmakers silent in the face of overwhelming public support for increased gun control. But we live in a country that values wealth and power above all else, so this shit is going to be hard I need you to write your representatives. Flood their Facebook pages and Twitter accounts and phone lines. I need you to sign every goddamned petition you see. Read up on actual gun facts. Read about the 356 (as of this afternoon) mass shootings that have occurred this year. Read up on the logical gun control policies of other countries around the world, particularly Australia, who practically eliminated mass shootings in 1996 after ONE incident. Read up on all of that, and then I need you to do something shitty. I need you to engage with pro-gun activists. That guy you went to high school with who thought the Paris attacks could have been prevented if Donald Trump was guarding the Eiffel Tower with an AK-47? You're going to have to talk to him. I know. I KNOW. It totally sucks. And when you talk to him, you're going to have to not scream/do the Facebook equivalent of screaming. 

I know. 

But I'm going to need for you to do it with facts. Here is a link to facts about gun violence for your convenience: http://www.bradycampaign.org/about-gun-violence

Use that link. Tell them all about the 31 people who die from gun violence every single damn day in this, the self-proclaimed greatest country in the world. 

And after that, ask them if the life of that human being is worth their (highly debatable, but don't say that) right to own and/or carry a firearm. 

Because this isn't really about an opinion on gun control anymore. If you are pro-gun at this point in the game, you straight up value your toys more than you value the safety of others. Maybe they aren't fully aware of that, maybe they say it is for protection or sport or whatever, and they might believe that on the surface. But it cannot be denied that easily accessible guns lead to gun violence. It's a fact. And isn't it worth giving up your rifle in exchange for a safer community? Isn't it worth losing the ability to take your handgun to a grocery store if it prevents just ONE incident of violence? 

Look, maybe it won't do anything. It probably won't, because people don't like to be wrong, and I'm including myself in that. But it might. Or maybe that might shame them enough to just think about it for a fucking second. Just one damn second of contemplation about the value of another human life.

Because I'm sick of this shit. 

To write to you representatives, use this link: http://www.people.com/article/preventing-gun-violence-people-call-to-action-jess-cagle

Stay safe.