Happy almost-Halloween, my friends in realness. Let's get crackin'.
1) So, GOP debate number infinity was last night, and because I love you, I watched it. Well, I caught up last night and this morning, because I have better shit to do than watch it live, like drinking wine. Fiorina royally screwed HP employees, Trump's immigration plan is literally an Arrested Development plot point, Carson is a soft-spoken mental patient , Rand Paul and John Kasich are apparently still running, Chris Christie is a sweaty mob boss, etc. Marco Rubio won, I guess? It doesn't really matter, because there are like 34 more debates to go, but you know who DIDN'T win? Jeb Bush. Holy shit, you guys. Like, Ted Cruz did better than he did. Fucking TED CRUZ, who literally said (admitted?) "if you want someone to grab a beer with, I may not be that guy. But if you want someone to drive you home, I will get the job done and I will get you home." That mole-faced loser beat Jeb Bush by a landslide. The Sociopath Bush barely spoke, and when he did, he said shit about giving people "a warm kiss." EW. FUCKING EW, DUDE. Stop saying gross stuff like that! You already made Supergirl want to barf, so let's not gross out the rest of America. It was pretty boring because Carson didn't compare anything to the Holocaust OR slavery, and the only one up there who didn't respond like a kid at a high school speech and debate competition was Rubio, who barely shows up to his current job. Many of them could barely respond to questions about THEIR OWN CAMPAIGN PLATFORMS. These are your best bets? Admittedly the moderator was shit, but literally every candidate has since made a whiny statement about how the questions were too tough for their fragile little egos. You want to be the fucking president! Nut up. Hilary listened to 11 hours of old dudes yelling at her, and all we got were a ton of awesome GIFs. Bitch is gonna eat their nominee alive, and I'm gonna love it. *CHOMP*
2) It's almost Halloween, so I just wanted to issue a quick public service announcement about costumes. Don't go as another race for Halloween. Don't do that, you guys. Don't. Fucking don't. You are (maybe not on purpose) being totally racist. Obviously if you're leaving the house in black face (or red face or yellow face), you are an asshole who should be taken behind the shed and shot, but how else do you know if you're fucking up Halloween? I will tell you. I discussed this with a friend on FB yesterday, and the example was brought up about say, a non-white person going as Abe Lincoln, and was that racist... Let me tell you why that's OK but a white girl going as Pocahontas is not. White people, a good rule of thumb is this: if the people you want to dress as have suffered under white oppression, just stop yourself right there. If you can't manage to do that, think of it this way. So if you dress up as Pocahontas, how will we tell you are Pocahontas? You'll probably find a generic "Indian" dress, and put your hair in braids, and wear a feather or headdress of some kind. And what's wrong with that? You didn't paint your face red, so why don't I lighten up? Nope. Sorry, bitches. Let's talk about cultural appropriation and why it sucks. When you dress up as Pocahontas you are (probably culturally incorrectly) wearing articles of clothing or accessories that are specific to her culture without knowledge of their meaning or importance, and you are using those important things as a costume. Not only is this disrespectful, it takes away from the humanity of the person whose life you're wearing as a costume. This goes for generic Geisha or generic Mexican Guy (complete with sombrero and fake mustache!) or what have you. Just go as Zombie Ninja Turtle or something.
3) If you're defending Ben Fields (the school safety officer who tackled a non-resisting child in a classroom), you need to go home, stand in front of a mirror, and punch yourself in the face. Look, teenagers are assholes. I was an asshole, you were an asshole, and your children and your children's children will ever be thus. Is refusing to put away your phone during class a dick move? Totally. Is an adult man flipping over a desk, dragging out a wee and unarmed girl an appropriate fucking reaction to teenage assholery? If your answer is yes, I'm going to suggest that you sterilize yourself immediately. Do you know what else is totally appropriate? Arresting the student who was crying and praying after she witnessed you assault her classmate. You can get arrested by a school safety officer for crying? Really? Fucking really? Unsurprisingly, this particular officer has had multiple force complaints. WHO COULD BELIEVE IT. Fuck this guy, but you know what, I need to tell a few more people to fuck off, too. Let's not forget the teacher, who JUST. FUCKING. STOOD. THERE. while one of his students was thrown to the ground. He should fuck off. And the delightful Sheriff Lott, who literally defended this douchebag by saying that Fields was dating an "African-American Female." Oh, he has black friends, so this is totally OK. *brain explodes* Oh, and Fields was right to "put his hands on her?" Right. Ah, and both girls will still be charged with "disruptive behavior," whatever the fuck that means? Cool. This guy can fuck off too. And when the hell did regular classroom issues become criminal cases? I understand having cops in schools for REAL crimes, you know like the assault that this officer committed on this girl, but why was he even there to deal with some kid who was playing on her phone in class and didn't want to leave? What kind of police state fuckery is this? I feel like I'm in some sort of dystopian future where somehow racism is still a thing. Thankfully this tool is no longer employed, and I'm pretty confident in saying that the "African-American Female" he was dating has dumped his sorry ass.
Have a reckless and moderately unsafe Halloween, kids!
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