Dear Kim Davis,

Ugh. I am so freaking TIRED of looking at your face and I'm even more tired of watching you cry on camera like you're receiving paternity test results on Maury. 

Speaking of that. 

I'm sure I don't need to point out what a terrible hypocrite you are, and I kind of wish I didn't have to. But you've had more husbands than I've had cats, and that is a lot of husbands... to say nothing of your bastards (I'm pretending I'm on Game of Thrones). And you know what? I don't even judge you for that, because A) I love Elizabeth Taylor and B) YOLO. But girl. GIRL. You are forcing me to point out that while I don't judge you for that, Jesus definitely does, you adulterous whore of Babylon (his words, not mine). You are forcing my feminist ass to slut shame you, so please shut up and go away.

And girl, get a hold of your lawyers. I know they are doing this for free, and that what they say is getting you huge piles of bigot money, but they need to quit it:
"Back in the 1930s, it began with the Jews, where they were evicted from public employment, then boycotted in their private employment, then stigmatized and that led to the gas chambers... This is the new persecution of Christians here in this country.”
You know what isn't anything like the treatment of a Jew in Nazi Germany? EVERYTHING. Seriously. Nothing else is like that. I'm pretty sure they fed and clothed you for your few days in jail and that when you took a shower it was water that came out of the faucet, not toxic gas. You disobeyed the constitution and disobeyed a judge's order. That's why you went to jail, where you got a free 5 day PAID vacation. So no, you aren't a Jew in Nazi Germany. You're a fundamentalist Christian in Kentucky, which means you are getting a fucking hero's welcome everywhere you go.

Also... do something about your hair. Jesus, you look like Chewbacca had sex with one of the Duggars.

Hate,
Ms. Rantsypants